Lilian’s Thoughts

It’s 21012010.

Wat a nice date right. I know.

Work had been okay so far.

Haven been doing much stuffs. Basically slacking the whole day.

Air con in tbooth is spoilt. It’s so suffocating inside. God!

I’m left with 9 days. Minus the off days. It’s just another 6 working days.

Yet I dun feel good. Perhaps I know I definitely miss the ppl here.

I’m still deciding whether should I attend the part timers’ party.

Initially I was quite looking forward to it. But now, not tat much of interest.

I’m so tired and feel like going for a holiday.

New job will commence exactly on 1st feb.

Hopefully I can survive there.

One of my superiors told me sth tat day.

“There will be alot of office polities but rest assured. I believe u can survive. In fact, I tink u might become one of the office topics. Because normally competent ppl will be the topic among ppl.”

I dun know to smile or to cry. Being one of the topics cant be tat nice I guess.

Especially in a gossipy environment.

But I will survive. I guess so =)

I realised tat I’m beginning to lose trust in ppl ard me. I wonder why. This whole week at work had made me seen through things and I realised tat I no longer wish to place my trust in anyone. I’m lost. This is so not Lilian Low.

God. Help me resolve the prob pls.

I wan to leave with a smile and come back with a smile.

Till den, I’m tired. It’s 9pm. Off to bed. So not Lilian.

I’m changing. No longer an owl =)

It’s a matter of trust in this harsh reality.

I’M BACK.. 

TONS OF UNPLEASANT HAD BEEN HAPPENED RECENTLY.

IT ALL HAPPENED WHEN I WAS ON MY LONG AWAITED 3 OFF DAYS.

IT ALL HAPPENED SO SUDDENLY AND UNEXPECTEDLY.

I FELT SO UPSET AND DISAPPOINTED.

AFTER THINKING FOR DAYS, IT MAKES ME WONDER.

YUP. IT IS HARSH. TOO HARSH.

BUT IT WAS REALLY A MISTAKE DONE.

I’M STILL IN A STATE OF CONFUSION.

WELL, AFTER MY LEAVE, I FELT TAT I’M BEING OUTCASTED.

I WAS PRETTY UPSET. WAT IS WRONG?

STILL PRETTY UPSET WITH IT.

ANYWAY, I ENCOUNTERED THE SAME GUY WHO SCOLDED ME SPOILT BRAT PREVIOUSLY.

AND AGAIN, I GOT SCOLDED BY HIM COS OF A GENTLE REMINDER.

‘I CAN TELL U WAT TO DO BUT U CANT. AND I DUN LIKE TO BE TOLD WAT TO DO.’

GOD! I THINK I’M JUST FATED WITH HIM.

WTH?!

OH YA. I ENCOUNTERED THIS RUSSIAN MUM TAT DAY.

SHE WAS WITH HER SON.

DUE TO LANGUAGE BARRIER, IT WAS SO HARD TO COMMUNICATE WITH HER.

AFTER MUCH EFFORTS, SHE FINALLY BOUGHT THE TKTS.

IN FACT, SHE WANTED TO GET A TOY FROM RETAIL SHOP, SO I WENT OVER TO CHECK FOR HER.

THE FUNNY PART WAS SHE KIND OF TRUSTED ME. WHEN WE WERE AT THE RETAILL SHOP, THE STAFF ALR KNOW WAT SHE WANTED.

BUT SHE STILL WANTED ME TO HELP HER AND KEEP ASKING ME TO HELP HER WITH THIS AND TAT.

AFTERALL, IT WAS PART OF SERVICE. SO I wAS MORE THAN HAPPY TO ASSIST HER. 

WELL, WORK HAD BEEN QUITE SLACK. PERHAPS BECAUSE I’M NO LONGER TASKED WITH ANY DUTY.

BEING BOYCOTTED DOES NOT FEEL GD AT ALL.

I’M LEAVING END OF THIS MTH. I’M FEELING PRETTY UPSET TO LEAVE THE TEAM.

BUT I’M ALSO GLAD TO FIND A BETTER JOB.

I HATE TO BE AT THE LOFT RECENTLY. I HATE TO SEE THE EMPTY LOCKER. 

I MISS THEM AT WORK. THE ATMOSPHERE IS SO DIFF. =(

WELL, ANYWAY, AS FOR HIM.

I ALR DECIDED TAT I SHLD MOVE ON. NTH WILL COME OUT OF IT DEFINITELY.

ONE OF THE GFS TOLD ME, THERE’S STILL A FEW HIM ARD U. WHY RESTRICT URSELF TO JUST ONE? 

RECENTLY, PPL ARD ME HAD BEEN TELLING ME.

‘LILIAN, THERE’S ACTUALLY ALOT OF PPL WHO STILL CARE AND WORRY FOR U. U JUST NEED TO OPEN UP UR HEART AND FEEL THEM.’

I DUN KNOW HOW TRUE IT IS. BUT TILL NOW, I FIND MYSELF LOST AND I DUN KNOW WHO TO TRUST.

AT TIMES WHEN IT’S A MATTER OF TRUST, WHO CAN I TURN TO? AT TIMES WHEN I FEEL LIKE CRYING, WHO CAN I SHOW IT TO?

Lilian’s Thoughts

THINGS ARE SO DIFFERNT NOW.

THE ATMOSPHERE AT WORK IS SO WEIRD.

I DUN KNOW WHO TO TURN TO AND WHO I CAN TRUST.

I FEEL LIKE CRYING BUT I CANT.

I NEED TO BE STRONG.

Lilian’s Thoughts

I’m back.

Enjoying straight 2 off days!

I just finished doing sth special. And now I’m on my mission to doing sth special!

Well.. So far, quite a few of my colleagues knew that I’m going off this mth.

The funny part must be when Victor spoke to me ytd. He thought tat I’m following VJ to Abudabi! hahahah!

Well.. as per VJ’s instruction, we lied to everyone that I’m following Boss to Dubai.. No one believed. Or maybe they were playing along with the prank.

The innocent Victor really fell for the joke. There he was, speaking to me in a very serious tone.

“You cant cope with the culture. Trust me. U are putting urself at a risk.”

I couldnt take it anymore and burst out laughing.

After explaining to him, he was pouting.

“So I got cheated! U ah! Hahahaha”

Cute la Victor.

But seriously, I’m blessed to have such a caring superior.

Anyway, Boss’ last day was on 6th Jan. It was like a photo taking session with him.

Boss made me cried that day. His concern for my new job made me felt so touched.

“Dont forget me ah. Remember to come Dubai and look for me if u can.”

This Boss ah. Always caring for others and putting others first.

Recently I have been feeling so guilty. Ever since I resigned, some Tbooth girls also resigned subsequently.

Well, it wasnt because of me. But somehow, I felt like I’m sabotaging Cat.

This CNY, she will be so down with staff.

Somehow or rather, I felt that I had made the right choice to leave.

Hopefully I will not regret.

Well.. I’m currently quite stuck in between.

I think I’m beginning to get used to having someone else ard me. Beginning to get his shadown out of my life.

Yet when I heard tat he might be having some prob recently, I cant help but to worry.

Begin to want to show him concern.

I’m resisting myself from smsing him. And I did it.

I guess I’m just worried as a friend. No longer like wat I thought I am.

As for the someone else, I realised that ppl ard us have been trying to put us together.

He’s a nice guy. But somehow sth is holding me back from making clear of my feelings.

Perhaps I’m not ready to go into anything yet.

Or perhaps..

I also dun know.

Lilian’s Thoughts

I’m back..

Just came back from a session of mccafe.

Had been so in love with coffee recently. Or I should say I had always been a coffee lover.

Ah Meng Kopi’s black coffee with less sugar is a must every morning!

Well.. Anyway, recently spotted cute eye candies at diff coffee houses!

Wat’s with all the cute eye candies at coffee houses?

New strategy ah?

hahahah..

Anyway, it’s a new yr. Everything just seems to be the same.

But slightly a little change in my life. I just tendered my verbal resignation to Cat.

So now. It’s time to say bye bye to Ops.

Moving forward, this new job is slightly higher paid and with benefits. But of course, not as interesting as Operations.

I’m still hesitating inside me. But as wat I had said, the biggest motivator and greatest boss had resigned.

I guess it’s also time to think for myself.

Goodbye to my dearest team. =)

Happy 2010! =)

It’s approximately 2 hrs to the new 2010!

I’m staying at home for this yr’s countdown because I will be working early tomorrow.  Awww! Did I just hear a “so sad”? Yeah. It is indeed.

Nevertheless, I enjoyed myself yesterday.

Sun Tanning at Siloso Beach with Emi and Jolene was awesome. Everything seems so relaxed. And we fell asleep while lazing on the beach. Now I’m as red as a lobster. God!

Girlie affair with DJ Kzee at Powerhouse was wonderful! Had fun grooving to the music on the podium. Heels are a killer. We literally took off our heels and danced bare-footed. Dun be surprised. It’s not the first time I did so. Hahaha..

Slept till 5pm after I reached home.

Well. Before 2010 comes, I wish all my loved ones and friends a happy new yr.

Thanks to those who have been tolerating my nonsense in 2009.

Thanks to those who have been there for me in 2009.

Thanks to those who have left a footprint in my life in 2009.

Last but not least, thanks to those who have loved and cared for me in 2009.

Please continue to do so. Hahaha.

My new resolutions/wishes in 2010:

1) To find a stable job.

2) To be a loving daughter and sister.

3) To be loved by everyone in my life.

4) To complete more races in 2010.

5) To gain more knowledge and experience.

6) To explore the world.

7) To learn to forgive and forget.

To continue to stand firm and stick to my principles.

and the list goes on and on.

Anyway, I just dyed my hair marshmallow brown! New hair colour for this new 2010. And I’m gonna cut my fringe to bangs tomorrow. Changed a new parting tomorrow.

I’m so happy! Happy Happy 2010, ppl!

Alright! Time for bed. Countdown in my dreams! =)

BGR vs Friends

I’m back.

Sth is bothering me right now.

I just got to know tat one of my best friends is attached. But there seems to be a clear line drawn right now.

I thought everything is still the same. I can still tease him, hug him and always claim him as one of my dearest guys.

But den. It seems to me tat things are no longer the same.

Recently friends ard me are getting attached. well. I’m not in a rush to do so. Neither do I wan to rush things again.

Looking at him, makes me wonder.

Do ppl tend to forget their friends when they get to meet their love?

I admit I was rather hurt by wat he say. “We wont be able to meet up tat much anymore because I will be spending most of my time with her.”

Tat’s pretty disappointing isnt it?

The fact is I really treat him like one of my dearest.

But well. I’m also guilty of tat. So I am in no position to comment on wat he is doing.

But I guess I din make it tat disappointing.

Life. Life. Life. is seriously sth tat I still have to explore on.

Lilian’s Thoughts

I just came back.

Argh! I’m feeling so down right now. Probably because of all the lectures just now. Damn! I feel so useless. Just cant seem to get the facts in mind.

It’s approaching. I need to do sth abt it.

While waiting for the bus, I had this urge to call up someone.

But I hesitated. Should I or should I not?

In the end, I din.

When I came back, I saw him on msn. Yet I din click on him.

At times, I do miss the late night chit chats under my void deck.

I wonder wat is going on in my mind.

Perhaps I seriously need a break from everything.

Anyway, I din make it for the interview tat day. Which is to say I have to stay on in the zoo.

I’m so stressed up. I seriously need a new job to support myself.

God! I hate this feeling.

Gtg. It’s time for bed.

Gorgeous dress! Xmas present anyone? =)

I’m back!

Just came back from bongo. Had a semi FOBs gathering with Lina, Ifah and Albert! We had fun chit-chatting and catching up. Though FOBs are like so busy now, the random meet ups still warms my heart.

Thanks to u guys for the great night! =)

Well, I am currently having this consistent headache and it’s serious an ass.. It’s so irritating and it’s getting on my nerves. I’m not sure if it’s a migrane cos I dun have history of it. But this consistent pain in the head seriously disturbed my usual life. I cant concentrate well. Argh! Ass!

I guess I need to see a doctor soon for this.

Well, anyway, I tried on a dress at MANGO ytd! And guess wat? It’s freaking gorgeous can! So nice la! and I’m so wanna get my hands on it! I guess I seriously need it for sth impt this sat!

Well..  Any kind souls out there? Size L for tat dress for me!

Hahaha.. Fat hope, Lian!

Alright! Tat’s so random.

Work had been unconsciously hectic recently. I feel tat I’m suffocating in there. Now, come on! Resumes sent! Pls get back to me soon!

We talked again today. Smiling all the way.

Thank God. I love the status now. We are just colleagues and good friends. I’m still loving the secretly smiling inside me. So just let things be.

I guess I need to go for rest soon.

Okay Toddles!

Good Night! =)

My matching new header =)

I’m back..

Another hectic hectic day at work!

I’m officially back in Tbooth today! Yeah! So glad to be back with the bunch of great girls!

Anyway, I got a new header! Thanks to Linda who stayed up till 4am to do it for me.

Well.. Today is the first day of Dec.. And school holidays time! Gonna be busy busy days at zoo everyday!

Which is to say I’m only left with no much time to waste. Need to get my ass off and stop procastinating.

Was quite surprised to bump into Wan today. Really a grown up boy now. It’s always pleasant to bump into juniors that I taught before. I miss NCC!

After work, chilled at Mac with Lina. As usual, she and her double cheese burger.

Well.. I thought I managed to get her mum’s permission to bring her to club. Yet was being told after tat, she din allow. Cos it’s a club.

Seriously, I wonder. Wat is so wrong with clubs?

And after 2 weeks plus, I finally broke the silence.  But well, a chance is given but not being appreciated. So, I guess this pretty much shows wat is in both our minds.

I guess I shall continue with my keeping quiet, ignoring and no eye contact attitude den.

I wonder is it because of my own attitude? But I’m just doing my part. Because I’m afraid. Afraid to sink in again. Yet at the same time, I wish to be good friends again. Contradicting huh? I know.

Well.. This thing is slowly getting off my mind. At least I proved to myself tat I could jolly well get rid of it if I wan to.

Anyway, it’s Ladies night tomorrow! I will be hitting the clubs with Tbooth girls! Will be at Phuture and Powerhouse! Lucky star be by my side pls!

Alright! Time check! It’s 12.05am! Damn! Early counter tomorrow!

Good night ppl!